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| Cindy: | [picks up some gunk from a plate, but drops it back] They can't do this to me! They must be having a blast... and I have to stay at home and clear up all this goop! [Cindy sits down sulking. Suddenly she jumps up...] I've got it! I'll call the Fairy Godmother Services! They never fail to get anybody out of sticky situations. [Cindy gets her cell phone and dials.] ...Hello? F.G.S.? ... Hi, do me a favour, send one over quick! House number 13, Phlegm Street. Big bungalow, peeling paint, lots of weeds, you can't miss it. Hurry, I'm in trouble! [Slams the phone down, looks down at herself] I better get myself ready. [goes offstage to change] [Goes onstage, sits and waits, anxiously looking at her watch from time to time...gets up and sits down...walks back and forth...] Where the fffffffu-reezing hell is that fairy? [continues waiting for 20 secs...make the audience go krezi...] |
[DING DONG!]
| Cindy: | FINALLY! [Opens the door] What took you so long? |
| Fairy: | My car broke down. [She wears sports attire, sports shoes, sweatband with fairy antennae, and a backpack] |
| Cindy: | Your car?? I thought you guys can just "appear right before my eyes!" [do the quote gesture] |
| Fairy: | Who says so? You people always have these stereotypical view of us fairies. We conjure up Toyotas too, you know. |
| Cindy: | So if you can make a car, why can't you fix it?? [irritated] |
| Fairy: | [cooly] That's the mechanic's job. Okay, so what's your problem? |
| Cindy: | Sigh. I've got to get to the disco immediately! I need a ride! |
| Fairy: | Piece of cake. But I can't make something out of nothing. Get me a pumpkin, or a durian, or a whatever. |
| Cindy: | What's a pumpkin? |
| Fairy: | [shakes her head] Haaii...kids these days. What can you get me? |
| Cindy: | [Turns to the dining table] Hey, I've got burgers. Eww... [puts one on the floor] Okay, hocus pocus that. |
| Fairy: | That's HALF a burger. |
| Cindy: | Just try, dammit! |
| Fairy: | Alright, alright! [shakes her head] Whoa, I've gotta see this... [She dances around the tasty shit, going...] Burger, burger, be a sport; turn into a mode of transport! |
[POOOFFF!! A wheelbarrow gets onstage]
| Cindy: | Hwat? That's it? |
| Fairy: | Way cool...I didn't expect this. |
| Cindy: | C'mon, you gotta do better than that! |
| Fairy: | Whattodo, you gave me a piece of junk to work with. |
| Cindy: | OH MAN!... [looks for a complete burger from the table] There! Untouched! [hurls it to the floor] Happy now? |
| Fairy: | Great. [Dancing again...] Burger, burger, be acceptable; turn into a decent vehicle! |
[POOOFFF!! A bycicle comes onstage]
| Cindy: | You've gotta be kidding me! |
| Fairy: | Sorry, that's all I can do... take it or leave it. |
| Cindy: | Hey, it's a good burger! Triple cheese! |
| Fairy: | Yeah, but a pumpkin could get you a limo. |
| Cindy: | Okay okay... I can't be picky now anyway... Uh, [smiling sweetly] could I have a pair of, um, brand new shoes as well? You wouldn't let me go in these cheap sandals, would you? |
| Fairy: | Actually, I would. But today's your lucky day. Here, [handing over pretty pair of shoes out of her bag] use my old platforms. They don't fit me anymore. |
| Cindy: | Wow, these are cool! I'll take them! [flings her sandals into the wheelbarrow and puts on the shoes] |
| Fairy: | Oh, and one more thing... the bike will turn back into a burger at midnight! Oh, oh, and the wheelbarrow too! |
| Cindy: | [Wheeling the bike along offstage] Thanks, fairy! Oh, and since you were late, I'm not paying you... Byyeee!!! |
| Fairy: | [Waving frantically] Hey! HEY! Come back here, you ungrateful bitch! Darn I hate this job. |
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updated 15 July 2000
created 26 Sept 1999
L]. » Not Funny » Cinderella 99 3/6
© 2001 Lionel J. Wong