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Cinderella 99 page 1

Title Cinderella '99
Author Lionel J. Wong

Comments

My class performed this for the Hari Kemuncak Minggu Bahasa Lok Yuk 1999 (the closing ceremony of Language Week Lok Yuk 1999). No, we didn't use this script exactly!...I adapted it to a more decent version, but keeping the juice fairly intact.
The following script is the original never-seen-before version. (So to those of you who enjoyed the play, relive the fun again with a little more... kick.)
The language used in this version is mildly abusive.
Any apparent typos are purely intentional—for abbreviation, or as a pronunciation guide, or some stupid reason known only to me.
If you would ever like to use this, I'd appreciate it if the author, I, receives rightful credit.
I mean, would you really? This play is just plain stupid, total crap. It's a modern-style parody of a classic fairy tale that just breaks all bounds of logic, sanity and intelligence. Okay, too much.

SCENE 1 - Grandma's Place

[Kyle and Cartmen are sitting together playing cards. Kenny is sound asleep.]

Kyle:	Your turn.
Cartmen:	Aces?
Kyle:	Go fish.
Cartmen:	[picks a card from the deck, and waits...] ..... BORING!!! [Throws his cards into the air]
Kyle:	[looks about as the cards fall all around him] Cartmen!
Cartmen:	Gimme those! [grabs Kyle's cards and flings them in the air]
Kyle:	Cartmen!!!
Cartmen:	[Gets up] I—AM—SO—BORED! Can't you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?? [pointing into it]
Kyle:	[Gets up] Hey get this right... SO—AM—I! But not only that... now I am SO—FED—UP WITH YOU!!
Cartmen:	[finger on his lips] Hey, keep it down... Kenny's sleeping for crying out loud. [pointing at Kenny]
Kenny:	[snore]

[They look at him so sound asleep. Then they look at each other...]

Cartmen:	[grin] You thinking what I'm thinking?
Kyle:	[grins back] He's in dreamland and I'm jealous.
Cartmen:	Well c'mon, let's bring him back to the real world!

[They stealthily creep up to him...]

Kenny:	[snore]
Kyle/Cart:	HEY WAKE UP, THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!
Kenny:	[gets up in panic] Whoa! I've gotta get outta here! I need an exit! I need an exit now!

[Kenny madly runs around the room. Then he stops, and turns around slowly to see Kyle and Cartmen on the floor laughing their guts out.]

Kyle/Cart:	HAHAHAHAHAhaha...uh oh.
Kenny:	You guys are in trouble... big time! [charges after them]
Kyle/Cart:	AAARRGHH!!!
Kyle:	Get away from the line of fire!

[They chase about, making a helluva racket. Then Grandma comes in with a cane, and they freeze in their tracks.]

Kyle/Cart/Ken:	Grandma!!! [they point at each other] He started it!
Grandma:	Now now children, quit barking. Haiya...I'm gonna have to do something about this.
Kenny:	It's their fault! Please don't hurt me!
Grandma:	Honey, would you just give it up? [ruffles Kenny's hair. Kenny grimaces.] Okay now, Grandma wants to tell you a story...
Kenny:	Aww c'mon, Grandma, don't do this.
Cartmen:	Ceh, I thought what.
Kenny:	Shut up.
Cartmen:	You shut up.
Kenny:	No you shut up.
Cartmen:	No you...
Grandma:	Cut that out!! Now, come children, sit down. [they do as she says] Once upon a time...

[From now on, Grandma's voice will be heard offstage as the Narrator.]

updated 10 Feb 2001
created 26 Sept 1999
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